L.O.S.E.R

“Do you mind I’m a smoker?”

Was looking somewhere else and didn’t care so much for that moment…and reply,

“Why? It’s nothing lah ! I was grown in a smoking environment also.

My dad, my bro, my sis, uncle-uncle around me included my ah mah also smoke mah, nvm lah.”

I know. I was wronged at first.

Trying to act like Nana,wtf…feeling very unique to answer that? Feeling cool I’m different with other gals…shit!

Damn it, I regret now!

I should have say
“WHAT?! You’re smoking kaki? You better fuck off and eat with yourself.”

Aiya !!!!!!!!!!

What use to bring this back now?!

Hmm…

To be frank,

I’m not really concern about smoking so much actually…because he said he will quit it once he got marriage.

I’m not perasanted to think that he will marry me then I can witness he quit smoking.

But, at least,

He will quit it one day. I believe he can do it.

But now …haih…

Lotsa lotsa timesand lotsa things he refused to listen to me.

I did all that for his own good

But …

He just won’t understand,

He looks so weak now…

Every time I feel pain when I saw he’s suffering…it’s like a razor stabbing my heart…

Nothing I can do, but

cry

I feel I’m a loser that cant take good care of him,

I feel bad that I cant have some of his pain,

I feel sad to see he takes the pain by himself and nothing I can do for him…

I really feel tired…

Dear, would you listen to me?

Pls pls pls dun hurt yourself anymore ok?

You are loved, by me, by your family, pls don’t ever think pessimistically

God, if you hear me,

Please cure him, or transfer his pain to me if possible.

Never want to see him like that…